Fragments recalled from a wedding

Fragments recalled from a wedding

Memory hazy, through wine glasses see,

something between humanity and me.

Such parts I recall, somewhat poignant,

to remind me I feel so damned fortunate.

Groom party beside church, top hats in the air,

the scene sudden jolts under the Sun's glare.

Old friends together, in secure tradition

instantly distance my present condition.

Now inside God's house, respect I do show.

Hymns, prayers, sealed lips, no belief: now they know.

I feel a burden to sing, to join in,

hypocrite I'm not, though respect I don't win.

So gathered outside, bride to groom is wed.

I've tried to dress cool, a fat prick instead.

Colleagues together and nearest the car,

no photo's of us, lets head for the bar.

Back to the house and reception begins,

"We're spare parts here", so best not to fit in.

When one is apart, unnoticed you go,

to observe mankind and to know her woe.

Sat at our table, introductions made;

I quickly offend, through politics wade.

Said "Leeds has no soul" "how dare you" she cried,

"stimulate debate, opinions divide".

The band strikes up and the first dance is shared;

the romance is alive and nothing compared

in life so far to this, your moment, now

stand in the spotlight, then return to the crowd.

The night grows old and I'm warm dancing drunk,

busting my moves she smiles, inside she's sunk.

Outside she's hard, but her hands soft and warm;

so tough for the single, they dance on toward dawn.

More Misc.

Lads Night Out

You go out
on your lads night out,
and I will
stay at home tonight,
and be myself
in the cold and distant light.

In the awful solitude
that I must lone endure
to be myself
in this dead and dying town.

I can smell the beer
from in the attic here,
and you are much
better without me.

You sniff the air tonight
and in your gut it slightly
hits you that you
are alone like me.

Decide not alive

The mist off the hills,
thunder clap slap back,
eye socket pain pills.

Sodden wood beaming,
shit job lazy sod,
rain like tears streaming.

Favour the artist?
business man,
or the worker drone?

Just a cod piece,
nervous man,
comfy life so alone.

Steamy breath hang air,
gutters drain late rain,
road smell rising there.

Three ways to turn here,
decide not alive,
unless choice of fear.

One shot two kills

One shot, two kills,
stop gut, feel ill,
breed Death, gone soul,
short breath, not old,
shell bang, eat dust,
chip fang, clik thrust.

Feel Brand New

With beats like rock
and higher places,
I can see your
different faces,
and I feel brand new.

Whats the point in
making excuses,
I just love your
flowing juices,
and I feel brand new.

Baggy, baggy pants
wander round the house,
the flames in me
only you can douse,
and I feel brand new.

Look out now
here comes my chance
to prove that really
I can dance,
and feel brand new.

Die is be alone

Last night I
stood atop a cliff
and looked I think
further out than
I did before.

All was black
sky was dark
and I was empty
sea terrified me
light was deathly gone.

So turned I
round to face you
have to touch you
knew that instant
to die is be alone.

In darkness
fear took me
loneliness winded me
I saw no light
and then I saw you.

Secrets of my Book

Secrets I love to keep,
in parts of me you don't seek.
Pages of this book,
characters I took.
I live them out alone,
in spare moments when I'm home.

The sum
of all
I am
is here
with you.

I simply cannot perform
these melodies so warm.
And words or tunes of mine,
will fade in shades of time.
No-one will know
the thoughts from my lips that flowed.

Some old verse:

The Reason:

There were times
when I said I'd give it
my best shot.
I recall now
that sadly I did not.

Quietness of mind
and fire in my heart,
I died inside
to wait for the moment
to fight with pride.

My talent I give you,
sacrifice freedom,
expression, thought, art;
there's a debt I owe
these streets I only start.

With the hope
of a hopeless boy,
and none of the money
happiness can buy,
I slog on filled with joy.

Friday:

I rub my palm against the smooth sandstone
on my way out the door past the building.
We spent the afternoon out and about,
conversation was brief, reached out alone.
I'd planned it all out in my head; we'd share
anecdotes, amusing jokes, business plans,
but you held back, distant, listening to
my love of music, closeness to other.
I should have asked about you family,
instead I mouthed off my manifesto.
It's startling just how detached I feel,
but really I shouldn't be surprised.
Obsessed with individuality
this is the world I have created.

A warm hollow glow, self pity and pride,
I know what I know, understanding wide,
not meant to get on, outside in the cold,
the week is now gone, I shake feeling bold.

Br'tf'd?

Someone was shot in bradford today,
it didn't even make the news.
The people I work with are all racist,
but keep it under wraps.
The whole country regards with dismay
a city with startling truths.
I'm too pathetic to wake up and face it,
not backbone, or spine, I'm trapped.

What fumes fuel this disregard?
A filthy fury blows through these streets.
"Don't be so P.C., it's only a laff"
The Obama jokes come through thick and fast.
A city of Outsiders, inward, looking outward,
so much violence lately, hope lies, bleeds.
I don't stand and say 'Enough',
of those with a conscience I am the last.

City with no hope, citizens hang by a rope.
They know it's wrong, I laugh along,
and die a bit more inside.

Silent Howl:

"I saw the best minds of my generation
destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked."

You shrieked out a howl
that silenced the crowd
and made them take note
and listen.

The torrent of pain you felt,
dead folks beside whom you knelt
breaks my heart when I read
your words aloud.

Our world here is numb
sensational, hysterical,
meaningless, spouting meaningless
so...so...dull.

I envy you Allen because
you knew
minds who dared
think, shout, pushed themselves,
pulsated towards madness.

Where are our minds?
Madmen starving hysterical naked?
Their sadness was bitter,
but left a sweet aftertaste on the tongue.

Are there no more boundaries to break?
Bare your soul.
Is there nothing more to provoke?
Sacrifice your self.
Is there no enlightenment left?

Radicals, Revolutionaries
take up your arms!
Dreamers, lovers
push yourselves forward!
We're stuck in the mire,
and this shit stinks.

We stopped moving forward
because we stopped speaking out.
Regret and madness
are sacrifices
we none of us
are prepared
to make
alone.


Sympathy for a lost father:

Window open on both sides,
let the breeze blow on through.
Sun sinks down behind the hill,
but leaves its light for hours.

Sun shines on the righteous
but it's beautiful at night.
Pain can't become you,
even once you lost the fight;
in the dark moonlight.

Your sad eyes crack me,
but your grim silence subdues thee.

Our hearts bleed for you,
we cry hidden tears away.
We despise ourselves,
but we're glad that we're ok.
Live another day.

Be strong my lad,
and remember good times had.

Catch a mouthful of the air,
and remember he is there,
holding on to you.
I never met the man, and I hardly know you,
but I can tell,
he was so proud of you.